I wrote this blog post on December 19th, 2018. I had no idea even then what this song would mean to me and to those around me. Many months later, it is out for everyone to hear. I just re-read this post and sat heavy in my chair. I just went to church, walked home, it’s 70 degrees outside… Something about right now feels so, so, so right. It some ways, I do feel like a special time for me has come. What a journey we are on. Enjoy this look into how this song was written. Thank you guys.
Dec. 19, 2018:
I probably wrote “My Time Will Come” on a Tuesday. I remember having too much time on my hands, and the combination of my insecurities, fears and circumstances had landed me in a pretty down moment. I have good days mostly, but sometimes, for reasons unknown to me, life can feel especially unmanageable, unpredictable, and down-right terrifying. I often struggle with a deep feeling of missing out, that I’m in the wrong place at the wrong time, or that somehow because of my weaknesses, addictions, poor decisions, and general sinfulness, I’ve somehow derailed God’s plan for my life. Am I not good enough? Am I missing out on the best for my life? Am I missing the point all together? Why am I not there yet? Why am I not whole yet? Why do I still struggle? Is something wrong with me? These were the immediate questions in my mind that day, and truthfully, most days.
I remember sulking up to my room in my little apartment on Baxter St. I sat down and began plucking the chords to the song. And within fifteen minutes, this song poured out of me. I haven’t touched it since. I never thought twice about the song or that the song might be any good. If anything, I thought this song was going to be a little extra song on my album that no ever listens to that I look back at and go, “wow, that was a bad day.” But, just as God does, He works often completely contrary to our expectations, and “My Time Will Come” has seemed to connect with so many people already on a deep level.
There is a story in the New Testament about a man who happens upon a treasure in a field. When he found it he ran home and sold everything that he had to buy the field. As I’ve grown and tried to walk with God, I have had this experience of forgetting the treasure I found. I feel like I’ve lost so much of my purity, my convictions, and my love for God. Sometimes I have this feeling that I miss God. I’ve turned away so many times. I’ve replaced Him with so many other things. I’ve used Him for other things. I’ve done things for Him that were really for myself. I’ve forgotten the treasure that I had in Him. There are a lot of days I want to quit and do my own thing. It’s so much easier that way. But it’s these same days that I feel like God is holding on to me by a thread. And, as I write and reflect on these feelings of failure, doubt, anger, and confusion that seem to surround me in so many moments, I still feel a hope in the depth of my heart. And that is God. And that is faith. It’s the coal that sits warmly in the ash that used to burn so brightly. A star in the sky.
As I’ve shared “My Time Will Come” with others, I have realized that I am not alone in my feelings of longing, incompleteness, grief and even bitterness towards things that haven’t happened yet for me. I realize that we are all waiting for our time to come. I realize that no one has arrived, and that no one is whole yet. I see that no one really knows the answers, especially those who seem like they do the most. We’re all messed up. We’re all on our way. We’re all still waiting.
The inner dialogue that my happens in my spirit every day occurs between my hope and my doubt. Both exist, fully alive and fully active. But through all the pain, unknowing and confusion - and as I continue to realize how dark, unable, and capable of evil I truly am - I hear the hope in my heart plead each day, “Don’t give up. Your time will come. Don’t become bitter. Your time will come. Don’t turn back. Your time will come. Don’t turn off your heart. Your time will come.” Would I learn to wait and wait well - full of love, hope, patience and kindness.
And that was it.
It is beautiful to look back on this. Thank you guys for reading, for streaming, and giving me feedback on this song. I have felt so loved and encouraged through you. I feel like, it my little way, I am getting to put my fingerprint on the world and on the conversation regarding faith, doubt, and the struggle that is real life. Again, you can stream the song of Spotify and you can also check out the Official Music Video on YouTube.