There's a game called Use Your I's that Ivey and I played the other evening. In the game you land on certain emotions like "anger, confusion, calm, frustration" and you have to process your feelings of a certain situation in your life where you felt that way. You begin by saying "I feel..... when.... because. Then I want." It's totally weird because we don't ever do this in real life, and I think it's because we just hate situations that are uncomfortable... and being vulnerable is one of the least comfortable places ever. I think it's ironic that the game says "For ages 5-10," yet 5-10 year olds are better at expressing their true emotions than most adults. Michael and Ivey have really shown me so much about unconditional love this week, and how it is ok to express what is going on in you. Ivey says that by the time I leave their house, she wants me to know how amazing I am. It's been such a hard pill to understand or even swallow because I am so full of crap, but I'm learning that it's God's grace that is powerful within me, not my own holiness, morality, or will. But anyway back to understanding our emotions - Just because we feel tension, doesn't make us terrible people. Being unconditionally loved frees us to express our hurts and expectations without feeling wrong for feeling them. It allows us to understand our weakness and separate our brokenness from our identity. There is a post about Perfectionism that is brewing in me. I think a lot of us don't say what we really feel because we think avoiding confrontation and hard conversations brings peace to people, when in reality hiding in the darkness enslaves ourselves others around us. How come in our churches we don't ever share in the messes and struggles of the people in our own pews? The church is God's hospital, but it's hard to treat symptoms we cannot admit. If we always project the image of perfection, how will anyone ever feel safe to explore and grow in their weakness?
Michael, Noah and I had a full time last night, sharing songs, watching America's Got Talent videos on Youtube and talking in the hot tub. I could write a book about things we've talked about, but I think something that has stuck with me that Michael said was that this idea that taking offense makes us part of the problem and not agents of change in the problem. I thought that was profound. Anyone can be offended, but who is strong enough to work through those feelings and ultimately become part of the solution, not the problem? We need to be people who are willing to live open-handedly always asking the cardinal question, "How can I be salt to this situation?"
Anyway, here are some photo's from the day! I have had some wonderful time with the crazy boys, playing trampoline, computer games and doing some photo shoots. They are such a gift! They have been such a joy to me, Shawn made me coffee this morning AND made us all eggs and sausage for breakfast. He even gave us a tour of house on instagram and showed us some of hsi sword moves. We have had fun playing Zombies and coolmathgames.com :) I looked up Shawn on google and the meaning in Irish is "A gift." So wonderful.
Thanks for reading! God Bless.