I found this picture from the first day we met to talk about this tour. It brings me a lot of joy... knowing that it started with a talk over coffee. And now it's... actually happening.
It's the morning of the first show of tour. I have just gotten some new photographs taken of the new studio, coming soon. And I am taking some time before starting the rest of the day to just reflect on what is about to happen, and all the things that have led me to this place.
I think that before important moments in life, there tends to be a surge of both excitement and fear... something in our souls to indicate - "hey, this means something." Over the last few days, I have been experiencing some deep anxiety not only about the tour, but about my life on a deep level. I have contemplated the failure of the tour thoroughly, played out everything that could go wrong in my mind, and had multiple internal freak outs. I imagine my chewed up music career...me being a washed up failure twenty years down the road. It's crazy how a little seed of doubt can spiral into such crazy thoughts.
Carly, Zac and myself have been working tirelessly over the last few months to piece together this humble, totally DIY, house show style tour... and tonight it becomes a reality. I reflect on this moment and am still overwhelmed by my thoughts of what "ifs" and "isn't." What if it flops? What if no one comes? What if all my tires bust on my car? What if what if what if... But I pause to remember what "is." I do have a tour booked. I do get to do it with my friends. I do have an adventure waiting for me. I will learn. I will grow. I will do it. It is a great gift. I am praying to be filled with thankfulness.
I remember that, in the end, I play for reasons I can count on one hand. To show off God. To give my friends a voices. To serve as a blessing to each community. To chase the dream. To learn how to be a human being.
I am sticking to the motto - run towards the turbulence. Run towards the fear. I am not ready. I am not certain. I am not fearless. But in some ways these feelings are comforting because they indicate that I am plunging into the unknown. And treasures, in their very nature, are hidden to be discovered.
Here we go.