I realized that I am in a rocket and not in a car. A car has breaks, turn signals, roads, lanes… you can turn around in a car but you can’t turn around in a rocket.
I felt a lot of things when I went to Europe. I spent most of my time alone, I wasn’t in much of a move to socialize but I felt like I really needed to reconnect with myself.
I started to dig into this anxiety that I feel like has always been there. It’s a worry mixed with a hunger… just kind of wondering if I’ll ever “make it” whatever that means. But that’s when I started to realize that how I’ve chosen to live my life and approach my dreams and desires is much more like putting myself in a rocket and not a car. It’s been like that from the very beginning… there are no breaks, just an ignition and… off you go.
I’m struggling right now with wrapping my head around this idea that I’m not going back…I’m not looking back. It brings a deep sadness but a profound freedom. I realized at the end of the day there’s simply is no where to go back to… the journey has begun and is happening now. The thrusters have been ignited. The attention now is on the mission.
I shed a lot of doubts about myself on my trip. I don’t know… I feel like i just left them right there in the Louvre looking at all of those amazing paintings. There was a feeling. This same feeling I’m trying to describe with the rocket and the car… that I was already in the air and well on my way… and there really was no going back.
I saw that this was life. At least mine… and that it turns out there was no steering wheel at all… just a willingness to have pushed the button.