Our beliefs are never more clearly expressed than through our decisions. Until we put our convictions into actions, we may question whether it is a real conviction in the first place.
Making a different decision in life, breaking the cycles whether large or small, is proving to be one of the most difficult tasks we can ever hope to attempt. Even changing something small, like a eating habit or a netflix habit, sometimes feels like an insurmountable mountain to climb. But these small moments, when we do have the opporunity to change the rudder, correcting the course of our ship even 1 or 2 degrees, means an entirely different outcome in the long run.
I’m working a lot right now probably too fucking much but this has been my life for about 5 years. What I enjoy about this process though is that I can feel my mentality and understanding increasing in depth and resilience as I continue to deal with problems that arise when trying to conduct business and trying to work with and communicate with people. Starting a business has been this very enlightening love/hate relationship… because while it is an amazing opportunity to be an owner, you also have to address all the problems as the owner, or the final decision maker. Sometimes in a daydream I wish I could just not have to make certain decisions, but at the end of the day, I do.
I’m realizing that one of the most helpful things to staying sane in this world is finding the option to let things be. Let things happen, let things come and go, let people do, let people think, let people go. I know that my default is feeling the need to control circumstances and people to fit exactly what I’m envisioning the ideal situation to be… but this was making me so unhappy… so then I discovered the magical option - to let it go.
I have been making attempts to better myself, to clean out my mind. to change some habits that are getting in the. way of my true =desires. Sometimes you find yourself in a place where your mind is so filled with all this bullshit that you realize you don’t know how you truly feel about anything… It’s like realizing that you were coaxed along into another person’s world, or will, and before you know you it you are living as a piece of furniture or as a battery in someone else’s dream.
Change is all but an idea until a different choice is made. That’s why decisions hold so much power - that this is the moment your conviction has materialized, and that it is actually compelling you to live differently. From one perspective, you could look at your decisions and arrive swiftly at the truth of what is at the core of who you are, since nothing is more revealing of your true desires other than the choices that are made inevitably from them.