I’m not sure who else feels this way but there is a certain kind of misery that comes with indecision… It’s like different when you don’t know what you want versus when you do know what you want. Like… its worse if you know what you want and dont go for it cause then you don’t have the excuse of not knowing what you want…

There is a certain void that comes with achieving certain things as they only open more questions for me. Things that we are pursuing on our daily basis, that we are told we need…only to find that that’s not really it. I guess this is all part of the growth process in life… trying to find out what we’re really here to do and what really matters at the end of the day… and it’s not what’s going on out here I don’t think.

Clarity

Today I am 16 days sober of drugs and alcohol. I am going through such a deep transformation. I will look back on this time of my life as the moment that I knew exactly which direction to go. I realized that in life, it’s no one’s responsibility to tell you what you want to do. This is work of the soul, this is the great work of life, and it’s up to each person to be honest with themselves and to make a conscious decision on who they want to be. When you’re young you think that you’ll wake up one day and be who you want to be, but that’s just not the truth… You have to work to get there. You need to find the path for yourself. For the most part, culture, media and your “friends” cannot help you.

I don’t know why it is this time for me, it just is. I felt like I needed to quit drinking and smoking because I needed to admit that these patterns in life were putting me in a fog, acting as obstacles in between myself and who I dream to become in deepest part of my soul. I stopped justifying my actions based on my environment and my peers and made a decision for myself. I feel like I have something to prove to myself, that I can be and do anything I set my mind to no matter that anyone else thinks. I am accepting my life’s call. I know who I want to be and though i do not know the details, I know exactly what I need to do to get there.

So, What Now?

So, you know when you have something you want to do… and it just lives in the back of your mind? Just sitting there. When you have spare time, you drift towards it, but then what always happens? Life. Responsibilities. Emotions… you name it. I don’t know what prompted me to open this browser and start blogging again other than that I’m really asking this question right now in my life… “why is it so hard to do what we truly want to do?” which is often much different than what we are actually doing. How often in life do our dreams and the things that will bring us true fulfillment forfeit to other things… mirages of pleasure, social expectations, comfort and safety? Why is it so difficult to be who we dream of being deep in our soul?

Blogging, and sharing my thoughts, has been this for me over the last many months. Just sitting in the back of my mind, always inviting me. I feel in a way that writing is a really important of my life and has been one of the most fulfilling efforts I’ve put my time towards in my life. I feel like here I can really talk about what’s on my heart and hopefully it can help you navigate something along your own journey. Many of you might have been reading or following along through my artistic and musical endeavors… but I’ve come to realize in a lot of ways those mediums are an extension of what you are experiencing here… just me. What I think. How I’m processing life… how I bring some sort of meaning to the pain and confusion that is at the core of my human experience. We are both finite specs of dust and little copies of God. How is that going to be easy to understand?

This last year of my life was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. In a very tangible way, everything I’ve ever wanted as a young man began to come true. My art career has taken off… I found my place and my voice as a visual artist in Atlanta. I set out in 2020 to “break” my art career and I did exactly that. I went for this with every ounce of energy I had… literally. You know, yall really only see the finished product of everything… but no one but me knows the amount of energy and dedication it took to accomplish everything I did last year… The amount of times I pushed through exhaustion, stayed up all night, got up early, trips to the art store, hardware store, forgot one part, two trips to the hardware store… made it happen at all costs. I don’t know… I went for everything as if the future of my life’s experience depended on what I was doing… which served me and ultimately hurt me at the same time. I was winning awards and grants, most eligible bachelors of Atlanta type stuff, seeing my name on billboards, and having people stop me and recognize me in public. art, women, partying, and eventually money… on repeat. In many ways, a modern young mans dream. And maybe that’s what you see online and believe my life to be, and in many ways I’ve also believed it… but here, on the eve of my 30th birthday, I find almost a chilling sobriety in a perspective that transcends all of these external things and peers deep in the mysterious void that is the soul underneath all that is seen.

As an artist, you set out to build an identity around what you do. Naturally, we all want to be known… and for artists, we often believe that once our expression is validated, we will therefore be validated as people. Therefore, in the first stage we pour a great deal of energy into “playing the part.” This is part of the artists’ great power and also great vulnerability. It is one of the great challenges to accept the fact that what you do isn’t who you are, and this is why success turns out to be one of the most deceivingly dangerous things an artist (or person) can experience in their lifetime. Success of any kinds… be it compliments, sales, popularity, awards (which are subjective might I remind you), status… we chase these things but can very easily become intoxicated by their allure… feeling for a moment in our lives the validation for our expression.

Recently, I’ve been going through a big burnout. It has been frustrating, as someone who is used to being able to produce anything he sets his mind to… It has been different for me recently. Slower. Like something won’t let me rush on to the next project yet. As I think about it now, I never took time to ever breathe or allow myself to just live… making art, making moves, tattooing, making money… was all that was on my mind for like, a really long time. And though it propelled me into a whole other atmosphere as an artist and person, I think my body eventually caught up to me. It’s like I couldn’t find the feeling of inspiration, I began to dread working or creating. I needed a break. This time has forced me to take a look at the interior of my life… my heart, my soul, my health… and has helped me to further realize this fact that many times in life we can find ourselves on “auto-pilot…” just performing over and over and over again to appease this arbitrary void. This empty feeling... I realized that my work ethic is a double-edged sword because it propels me forward and separates me from most other artists… but it also serves as a coping mechanism to avoid this nagging feeling deep inside, that I am nothing without my ability to create.

As I took on more and more of my persona as an artist, it became harder and harder to be honest with myself and what I wanted. It felt as if the initial wonder and awe of all of this was clouded in a hazy mist… corrupted by the need to maintain my status or reputation and to uphold this “image” of a young, emerging rockstar artist. I suppose what I am experiencing now is the unique emptiness that comes from getting everything I thought I wanted… only to feel as empty as I ever have.

All of these feelings have led my soul to pose the simple question, “so, what now?” I’ve always heard that in the first half of your life, spiritually, your mission is to build a container for your soul to live in. Simply put, it’s the shell, or that mask, that you will present to the world to attract value, love and validation to you. But it’s a totally strange feeling to realize that you’ve built the container already...It kind of feels like the life you spent your entire youth building and chasing now means nothing and you have to all start over again. I started to really wonder…. How much more do I need? How much more praise and validation could I really receive or even handle? How much more fun can a big party get? How much drunker or higher can I get? How much “hotter” can a girl really be? Where is this all headed? It started to feel like I was stuck in a revolving door… cycling through the motions, eventually forgetting to ever ask myself honestly… is this really what I want?

I think what’s made it so hard for me to “open up” here is this idea I have that I need to uphold this persona for the arbitrary “yall” to adore and to aspire to be. Idk, it’s all so arbitrary. I don’t even know who I’m writing to right now, maybe myself. But anyways, I am afraid of the judgment and the opinions. I’m afraid that I won’t be everything you think I should be, and I also fear that someone out there would use this as an opportunity to put me down or call me weak. But again, I don’t know what led me here to take this up again, but I feel like I really need to do it for myself… To let myself express myself and my thoughts again. To give myself the opportunity here (and in my real life) to be Andrew Huang, the person… and not just Andrew Blooms the artist. I want to be able to talk about the things in life that really matter to us beneath this world of arbitrary digital validation… the things that each of us thinks about all day but don’t really know how to talk about. Generally speaking, we are actually all pursuing the actualization of happiness, fulfillment and peace… it’s just the journey there is long, arduous, and at many times quite dark…

I guess what I fear for myself is that I’d spend my life being loyal to that which is not loyal back to me… chasing the superficial pleasures of life, pacified continuously by the next cheap thrill and next great lie… never knowing the true freedom of choosing my own steps and unashamedly pursuing the true desires of my heart. And the truth is, I have really no idea how to move forward, I just know that it is necessary now to do so. And maybe the beginnings of all great changes begin with the willingness to ask yourself the questions of your own soul. And for now, mine is, “so, what now?”

I felt sad today because I went to pray for the first time in a long time and realized I didn’t know who I was praying to. I used to think I did but I’m not so sure now.

I felt faithless. Then through a series of divine points I found faith again through the form of forgiveness. Someone gave me a light. It showed me how hard I’ve been on myself for a time now. Feeling like I needed to have it all figured out and to be perfect. It’s something that’s hard to see sometimes because I’m myself on here when I write and do things online, but I’m my inward life I still fear being imperfect so much.

Life without love is a cold place. I’m seeing we can hold that light on within ourselves, but sometimes it’s better when someone can hold it for you.

WEEKLY BLOG: 1 MONTH OUT

My show is in exactly one month. I’m feeling both extremely excited and extremely stressed out. I have bitten off a healthy mission to accomplish, combining my tattoo work, paining work, and fashion. In my recent sessions, I have been finding such a deep place within myself - a mindstate, a meditative place. Painting is turning out to be the safest place in the world for me right now, and I am fully pressing into this moment in my life.

I think what I’ve realized is that a window of opportunity has opened up for me in life, maybe one that always has been slightly cracked until now. I have a window to really push the dream through and make it a reality - the dream of being a world-renown artist. The dream of making meaningful art for the world to see, enjoy and ultimately moved by. For me, I’m looking at my solo show as my entry way into the world. I have such a feeling about it, that it’s going to really start my career and the next chapter of my life. It’s going to be my passport to the a new experience and a new perspective on this journey we call life.

The next month is going to be quite challenging. I have a lot to do and each moment of each day matters. I am now living with a subtle pressure that doesn’t ever turn off. One that bites at me when I wake up to get going and one that delays me from putting down the brush. I am creating with a sense of urgency right now… putting the phone away, getting off the internet, getting quiet with myself. Jumping fully into the process without distractions. I want each paint stroke and each small hard decision that goes into this experience to be felt by yall. I want everyone to be inspired and encouraged in their creativity, to receive the energy that is put forth.

I don’t have much more that I can say today other than I’m at work. And I am proud of myself for showing up to the weekly blog <3.

October 14, 2022. 333 Peters St. Station. See you there!

Weekly Blog: The Process

38 days until my show. It is grind time for me. It has been yet another eventful week. I was working on a painting a few days ago and got an email asking if I wanted to be interviewed for NPR on “City Lights” with Lois Retizes. I re-read the email about 12 times because there was surely something I was missing. But sure enough, I had read it correctly. The interview will be on my involvement with “Off The Tracks,” a mural project in Kirkwood in later October, and of all the list of artists they had sent the radio, they chose me.

I’m just in a place now where I’m just accepting everything that is coming my way. I’m in a time where I can see the fruits of a long time of practice, consistency, and hard work. I’m realizing that I don’t really give myself credit a lot of the time, chalking up everything that’s happening to luck, or my upbringing, or a lot of privileges that I grew up with… but at the same time I do believe that I’ve been making the small same decision to show up in my life over and over and over again, and all the seeds I’ve planted over my life are now beginning to blossom in a new way. This time of my life is affirming all of the misunderstood decisions in my past, showing me that I was right to follow my instinct all this time and that small belief, however wavering, eventually lead me to this place today. I am walking forward with a lot of gratitude, and trying to double down on the details of my life. I’m working on a foundation so that I can use this chance in my life for something truly great.

The Process & Showing Up

I wanted to write about “the process.” Everyone always says “trust the process” but what does it actually mean? How do we even know where to begin a process? and will the process always be so difficult? Well to be honest, I’m still figuring it out too, but I do know that consistency definitely clarifies and speeds up the process.

For me, trusting the process is about understanding that every work I begin will eventually be finished. I do not leave unfinished work. ever. Unfinished work to me is like manifesting some sort of ghost in my life that just sits in the corner talking to me all day and night long. Trusting the process is also accepting that whatever creative venture you set out to do will never come out exactly has you imagined in your head. After all, you are turning something that is not yet seen, into something that is. Some things are going to get lost along the way, but it’s learning to not quit or get frustrated when this happens, but more-so about accepting that the creative process will always yield unforeseen and unpredicted results, and maybe that’s the whole wonder about it. I would encourage everyone and especially artists who are developing and exploring their style: don’t quit when those waves of doubt come in. Don’t listen to the disappointment when it’s coming out different than you thought. Keep showing up, keeping guiding the work, and eventually it will be finished. Every piece of art I start on has a moment near the beginning where I wonder, “is this a totally bad idea?” I’m learning as I paint more that this is a natural part of the process and no need for alarm, just encouragement. I would encourage everyone to learn how to finish art regardless of how you feel about it, you usually find later it’s a lot better than you thought.

I think the most detrimental voice you can agree with as an artist is that you are worse than everyone else and that creativity comes easy to everyone around you but you. This cannot be further from the truth. The practice of creating is one of the most difficult things we can do because of its vulnerability. Trying really hard on something you care about is a lot harder than trying something you don’t care about at all because we are all plagued with the fear of failure to a degree. We wonder, what if I put %100 into something and it still “fails…” what then? It’s almost as if we’d prefer to succeed at things that are safe than fail at things that really mean a lot to us. I think in this case, “trusting the process” is about examining the turbulence in your life and understanding that often times the area of greatest fear is the area we may need to be moving closer to. It makes you nervous because you care. What are things in your life that you almost don’t like to think about because admitting it would be admitting that you need to change? What dreams and ideas live inside you and give you goosebumps when you imagine them? What terrifies you? Answer these questions and you can most certainly find what you need to do.

Showing Up: I believe in the muse but my experience and my observations show me that the muse is gentle. the muse likes to be courted and does not force your hand. The muse will let you sit around for days, weeks, months, and years - waiting, hoping you may rise to draw it in. Personally, I don’t believe in “waiting for inspiration to strike.” but I believe in the partnership and union between me as the vessel, and the muse. The muse cannot strike unless I show up, simple as that. As I make a choice to prioritize my time to work on my craft, the more readily the muse reveals itself to me. The more willing I am to sit within the excruciating state of process and creativity, the more willing the muse is to come help me and guide me. I believe that consistency makes yourself most available for inspiration to find you, and is a required discipline for anyone who would like to seriously grow as an artist to next levels. How often do you show up to your canvas, journal, or instrument? Based on many conversations I am a part of or hear, it seems most people want to skip the practice part and get right to the successes. Most artists out here want the lifestyle of the artist, but not the process of becoming one. But I will say this, this is based on my own experience right now in my life. Commit to showing up as consistently as possible - and it doesn’t have to be a lot, but just show up. Do a sketch a day, take a photo a day, write every day. Something small. Commit to showing up through your doubts and disappointments, and everything else will starting flowing from there.

Now Or Later

It’s really coming down to this for me yall. Maybe there is a chance, if I do al the grimy, unglorified, glory-less stuff now: the work, the process, the consistency, the practice…I’m thinking maybe if I just put my head down, for serious on all this, I won’t have to do as much stuff I don’t want to do later. That’s why I ‘m working so hard to develop my foundation now, so I can have something to build off of in the future. I’m developing a vision for how I want to experience life, and believe I am starting to understand the design and the ways I can make that happen. I’m very focused now, as the vision has started to clear. I know which way to go.

38 days til showtime. I’m excited to see these paintings and arts come to life.

Thanks for reading, til next week.

Forgiving yourself

It’s the weekly blog. To be honest I had no energy for a recap blog this week. I’m very tired, and it’s been a challenging time, I’m just waiting for these ramen noodles to “cook.”

I been doing a lot of work, not just in art but in my own life. Pausing to check in with myself, being honest, and being willing to make hard decisions for my own future. Man, it’s hard work. Changing patterns, observing your own life, and being objective with yourself is proving to me an incredibly difficult and elusive task. It’s hard to grasp…

One thing I’ve been thinking about recently is the power of developing some sort of vision - it can be very specific, or it can be vague. It could be about how you want your life to look, or what kind of work you want to do, or what kind of person you want to be. Many aspect of our lives can be envisioned, the challenging part is doing the work to understand those parts of yourself, which often can be masked by the distractions and the influences of the superficial worlds in which we live. What I’m finding in my own life is that finding somewhat of a vision, or something to aim help, has helped me contextualize the challenges in my life as another part of the journey. I am now interpreting resistance in my life as an opportunity to stop, learn and ultimately evolve from that point on, realizing more and more how small I am amidst the bigger context of all the world.

I’ve wondered why it is so challenging to not take things personally in life, and how clouded my mind and spirit become when I get into those conversations in my head. I’ve been spending days and days pondering this. Why is it so hard to move on from rejection? Why is it so hard to move past feeling misunderstood, or not enough? Why does it feel sometimes that I am trapped in my emotions, unable to find a reason… leading to the frustrated response of blame. I reflected on how i speak to me myself, and where that voice even came from.

and through all this I realized a key component that I felt like I have missing my whole life…One grace that I have failed to extend myself. A big silent conversation that I’ve always wanted to have but never had the faith or esteem to have. And it’s simply that I haven’t ever forgiven myself for being me and having the experiences I’ve had in life. I’ve never given myself the chance to just be another one out of a billion, unknowing of really how to move or interact with this often confusing world. I realized I had never stopped intentionally to view myself as a work in progress, and had always held this deep expectation of myself to be perfect.

It’s the beginning of a new way of thinking for me, it’s very uncomfortable and awkward. I’ve been more open recently to the idea of pausing to observe my shadow - to see how it moves and what it has to teach me. I’m seeing now that the shadow that was kept in the dark was the shadow that was unseen, and by only turning on the light was I able to see him. But, forgiveness has been the key. Each day I try to remind myself, “I forgive you, and I am here to work with you and not against you.” And the other half of me is learning to trust it.

As I work on my inner dialogue, I find myself able to see myself clearer. As I extend grace to myself, I no longer have to protect that person from the truth, because in those moments, event just for a moment, I know somehow that I am loved. I’m learning to protect this light at all costs, cause in this place everything, especially your challenges, can be given a context and purpose.

“I forgive you.”

have you said it to yourself today?

Trust more

So I’m sitting here in Atlantic station about to watch a movie. I been thinking about the color schemes I wanna use in the show, and I movement trying to find references for the explorer schemes. I had a realization just now that I already had seen the colors in my head (from experiences in life) and I felt a voice that assured me k could Trust my instinct. I closed the google and realized that the color schemes already exist in my imagination, and therefore they exist in real life (and will physically soon).

Trust

I’ve always viewed trust as something we extend to the world or other people but never thought about whether or not i trust myself. Doubt is such a powerful force in our lives and lately I’ve been wondering why doubt exists.

I think I’m learning to trust myself, understanding and accepting that I’m on the right path. Art is the exercise. It’s all decision making and building a relationship with myself and trusting that person to lead me in the right direction.

I was frustrated at a painting today but I stopped to reflect and be proud of myself for even showing up at all. It’s serious but not that serious sometimes.

No Wrong Answers: WEEK OF 08.15

Another week passes by. I am 53 days away from the opening of my solo show, “Blooms Floating World.” I have decided to work on this show in secret. I don’t want anyone to see any of the work until it is complete. It is tough because I love sharing so much process work and I know yall really enjoy seeing how it’s being made as well… but I am discovering that this process for me is going to be very deep and personal for me. Each day, I’m showing up to my canvases and taking a deep look into myself and into my life… expressing how I see and putting 100% of myself into the work. the work is spilling out in such a unique way, I’m learning to let go… to trust myself more and more and more. I’m realizing that there are no wrong answers, only honesty, love and freedom. I think these are the things we are experiencing when we see truly great art… a free mind. an honest mind… expressed into the art. For my show, I’ve been thinking a lot about my intention. Why am I making the art I am making? And what do I hope my audience to take away from my show? I think the answer continues to be refined as I continue to work on my paintings, but I know that I want everyone to feel transported to a new place in a way. I want the show to be a reminder of the many worlds we can travel to just in our own spirit and mind. I want to reach deep and touch the place of pure amazement, inspiration, and bewilderment. I am watching all of the Studio Ghibli movies currently because I am very inspired by the art and the incredible marriage of realism and animation and fantasy that these movies have. It’s the feeling for me, and I’m wanting that same feeling to be felt when everyone steps into that gallery in October.

I am on a trajectory of exponential growth. I am energized and really focused. Sometimes I wonder if I’m “too focussed.” It seems all I think about or care about at this time is the mission I have at hand - to make as much art as I possibly can and to make a positive impact through art on the community around me. I can almost feel myself stretching and growing with each day’s demands and challenges. I am being challenged daily by higher standards for myself and this unyielding desire to reach the next level of my life as a person and as an artist. Humility is turning out to be the most elusive yet most powerful weapon of all. The lower you can go, the more can flow towards you. I’m. starting to believe this as a 100% natural law.

THIS WEEK IN REVIEW

Mike Flow at The Love Below

First of all, we got to go see Mike Flo DJ his party called “The High” At the Love Below Speakeasy. It was hidden away in this complex, and we just followed these mysterious arrows until we found ourselves in this little speakeasy with maybe about 20-30 peoples. But man, one of the most amazing DJ sets I’ve ever heard. The sound selections and the sonics… it was just next level. I was mesmerized... in a continual flow of just amazing music. Forever a fan of Mike Flo man… that was super epic to me.

Tattoo

I got to do to some really really enjoyable tattoos this week. One of the most exciting was my first freehand tattoo. By freehand I mean that I was able to execute the tattoo without the stencil, drawing the design right there on the skin and tattooing it on after an outline of red sharpie for the form and black sharpie for the details. I was researching Japanese tatooing and stumbled upon a video called “Life With Shisei” where tattoo master Horiyoshi III describes the philosophy of the Shisei, or the tattoo design. He talks about how, just like life, a whole design is made up of all the little parts and decisions. It is all a sum of all the small parts to make the whole. He compared it to life, how our whole life can be boiled down to the years, which can be boiled down to the month, day, moment, and second. It is the same with the masterful tattoo, which is the sum of all of its hundreds or thousands of lines. I was really moved by this video, further affirming my path and my desires. I watched and began to think about my own art and my own life, and decided I too wanted to pursue something transcendant in my art. That inspired me then to take the risk of doing the freehand peony, because I wanted to access that depth and level of art. I Wanted to be able to flow and further remove the obstacles between the artist and the skin canvas.

I was nervous to do the tattoo, but ultimately I came to the realization that I can’t really be wrong. This came from accepting the path I was on and accepting that I was where I was for a specific reason. This philosophy has been changing my life and unlocking the creative possibilities before me. As a creative, believe me, I understand the struggle. The sinking feeling in your stomach, wondering if your piece is going to be any good, if its going to turn out to be something worthwhile. Wondering if you will be wrong. But what if you starting looking at it different? As if there are no wrong answers, just opportunities to discover and to learn. What if the idea of “mistakes” as a creative is just in your own head, and that the reality is that there are endless options to go from after each decision. This has led me to begin creating out of the idea that there is NO wrong answers, and that the only WRONG thing to do as a creative is to quit. 10/10 times when I push through to finish something I am doubting, it always turns out ok. We just need to get into the discipline of finishing and showing up to your work as often as humanly possible.

But anyways, yes I feel the confidence growing, I feel the focus narrowing. Completing this tattoo was one of the most fulfilling moments for me and is a milestone for me as a tattoo artist. I can’t wait to do it again. check out some photos. Thank you Sarah for letting me do this tattoo!

Class

I also taught my 5th class this week. I am so proud of everyone’s Tigers. Doing this class is one of my favorite things to do… seeing everyone just get to enjoy art and get out of the everyday routine, enjoy some drinks and some creativity. Might be nothing better. Here are some photos from class. My next class will be in september please be on the lookout.

TIGHTENING UP

I’m tightening up and taking names (in my own life haha). I’m taking the names of my vices, old mindsets, old patterns. Everything is in review still. I’m learning to pay attention to my body, my spirit… what is it trying to tell me? What is it calling me towards. I’ve just recently started getting back into the gym and prioritizing my diet and lifestyle more. The life in the arts is amazing, don’t get me wrong, lots of outings, art openings, clubs…. it has been such an amazing experience, but I think life is turning a slight chapter at least for now, and I know that taking care of myself - mind body and spirit - is going to critical for the next chapter of my life. I know it’s coming, I feel it in me, and I’ve heard about it. It is coming, but I’m heeding the warnings and the wisdoms of my mentors and OG’s - make sure you are MENTALLY ready.

I’m getting ready, doing the work, having the awkward conversations with myself and others, believing that it ALL has something to teach me and lead me to. I can feel it, new heights to see, I just want to walk with wisdom to make the most out of this life.

Healing, discipline, intention seem like concepts I feel like I’ve lost touch with over the last few years, but for whatever reason I am being brought back around to them. At the end of the day, aren’t these things actually more important than all the other stuff we think we need? I’m opening up to the process, more willing to let go of that which does not serve me as each day goes by. It’s never perfect by any means, but in a lot of ways I’ve been proud of myself recently too. Only I know the extent of my own decions, down into the deep recesses of my mind, and can say with all honestly I’m starting to like that person I find deep in there. I’m getting to know him, learning to work with him, and learning to forgive him - which I’m seeing now is one of the most important processes one could ever begin.

It is a beautiful time y’all. The art is exploding at my seems. It’s me in full form coming out. All the years and the hours of just trying with everything I’ve had… is coming to bloom. My purpose and direction is becoming clearer, intentions are refining, and to put it most simply, I believe that I’m coming to find a truly true version of myself.

But yeah yall, it’s Monday night, I’m about to dive into the studio and get after it on my paintings. I can’t wait for the world to see. 53 days.

-AB

Initial Descent: Week Of 08.08.2022

Whatsup yall, back with my weekly blog update post! It has been another adventurous week deep in the arts. I am continuing to tattoo, work on clothing designs, paint, and conceptualize my solo show. For this post, I wanted to do a reflection on where I am in life versus a detailed recap of the week. But to give yall a quick update - fashion is moving forward: had an amazing meeting with Made On Earth Studios about our collab… and man we are so excited. I’m still developing the system I will use to get going on the custom pants for yall, and I’ve finally started on the paintings for my solo show. Each day will be dedicated to chipping away at this massive task of a solo art show. All the way up to October 14th and more. But anyways, here’s a little bit about what I am going through.

Things for me are leading to somewhere, everything in my life that is growing, dying, forming, breaking feels purposeful. Showing me the light. Showing me what needs to be and what needs to go. And just to go straight into the deep here, I know now beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am in a monumental and critical moment of my life. I’m starting to feel that it is much further beyond career or anything external… this moment is about who I will choose to become. It is about HOW I will move forward in life not just as an artist and a creative, but more importantly, an individual. This is a blessing and a curse of how I operate and who I am created to be, but my life is under constant review. I am asking myself always, “what serves this mission? what serves my purpose? and what serves who I wish to become in life?” and I let there be no bias. Let me look honestly at my life, all the choices that have led me to this time. Let me lay it all on the ground and yet again choose what to leave and what to take. What is changing for me recently is that I’ve discovered a power within myself to really decide which direction I will take, in the big and little things. I am challenging the idea that life is just “happening to me” and that the circumstances around me are completely out of my control. I’m opening myself up to the idea that I have much more autonomy than I ever thought, and that I play a critical role in determining my steps and my experience in life. I have taken the magnifying glass to myself and have arrived at maybe the most important question I could ever ask about anything: “why?”

Why am I here? Why I am I in this environment? Why do I want her? Why did I fail? Why did I succeed? Why do I prioritize this over that? Why did I react the way I did? Why does this make me sad? Why can’t I stop this behavior? Why do I believe I need this? To name a few.

I ask “why” to the world around me because I’ve come to my own revelations about the treadmills that I have been on myself… cycles that are keeping me stagnant, feeling like walking in around in a culdesac… wondering, “WHY have I found myself in this position once again?” For me, it is the fear of letting go that keeps my in my unhealthy cycles, as the pain has become a strange comfort. I wonder if I will be happier if I choose the harder path. I wonder if I will be missing out if I become a person of greater convictions. I wonder if I will not longer have fun. I wonder if I will now be old. All of these thoughts deter me from trying to break free, though deep in my spirit I know what I need to do. But for whatever reason I am now finding myself in a place where I am desiring the next level, the next chapter of my life. The things that once served me temporarily fade into the distance as I determine my direction and my goals.

The Initial Decent

I am 2 months away from my solo show. I have such high standards and expectations for myself with this show. It will be one of the benchmark moments in my life. I have had the most difficult time starting the work… last week was a maddening struggle. I was feeling uninspired and fearful, unable to put paint down on the canvas, afraid that the show was going to fall short of what I was hoping it would be. I was feeling stale, wondering if I was just recycling the same ideas over without any real purpose. I needed a new perspective and a new inspiration. I took some time to take a step back, and instead of thinking about the art I starting thinking about what I was saying the first part of this blog. What is in my spirit? What is my heart really feeling? and really, “how am I doing?” I took some time to take a look at myself and yet again try to be brutally honest with what I want in life and how I imagine the world around me to be. I dreamt of my future: what kinds of people who would be in it, what would be the driving force behind my decisions, and of course the great WHY behind my very existence. As I sat in this space, refusing to look away until I came to terms with myself, the image came into view. I caught a reason. I caught a direction. and all that bloomed into a beautiful vision. I see it now, the mark that I am aiming at.

This process gave everything in my life a context. No longer aimless, the confusing aspects came into focus with great clarity in a moment. I knew what I had to do.

I’m realizing that the solo show is much more about what’s going on in me versus just art itself. I’m learning to pour myself into these works so that it may reflect who I truly am inside. As I discover my purpose, the rest of life’s bullsh*t - the cycles, the culdesac, the unhelpful rhetoric, the opinions and insecurities of others the addictions, the patterns… have a more clear place to exist.

At first I thought I was going to do an art show, but it looks like I am needing to find some healing in my life. I want to heal so that I can help heal the world… even if it’s just a few people in front of me. I’ve begun the initial decent. I’m founding out the truth - the truth about myself, the truth about life, and the truth about what things in life will last forever. I’ve made a decision to start taking care of myself, to create a place of safety for me in this time. I’m getting off the grid, disengaging from the noise, and im going under to find something real.

They say nothing lasts forever but in some ways I disagree. one’s spirit can.

Stay tuned, AB

OPEN UP: Week Of 08.01.22

Another full week adventure in the arts. I am continuing to push forward through this time of my life. I’ve identified that a window has opened for me to go as far as I want to go. Opportunities are coming towards me that I could never have anticipated, even just a short while ago. I am accepting of life’s invitation now, open to the possibilities that are outside of my comfort zone or all I “think” I might need. My job? I think it’s just to focus in. As the externals grow around me, I find myself yearning to go deeper inward. What about all of this really is real? What is just lip-service, superficiality, temporal pleasures and gains, vs what is going to last forever? What will actually live forever? I also am looking inward to myself. Who am I? What do I really want out of all this?

But anyways, another weeks gone by this is what happened:

TATTOOS

FIRST of all, my tattoos are now open for the remainder of August and September. I am tattooing a little less right now to focus on painting for my solo show, but I still have a lot of availability. I now have a DIRECT business phone number. Please do not hesitate to text me if you have any questions about your tattoo ideas or concepts. I can walk you through it and book it with you. I am really looking for folks who are interested in getting some traditional japanese or chinese motifs. hit me up direct on my number 678-697-2909 or you can book me directly here. ok let’s continue on.

Bachelor Man

So… I was nominated by Atlanta publication “Jezebel” as one of Atlanta’s top 20 eligible bachelors. I mean yes I’ll take it!

On Tuesday they threw a really dope party for us up in Buckhead village. When there’s people walking around with drink trays is how I know I made it somewhere haha. But anyways, it was a dope evening, got to meet some dope people and yeah afterwards I went to Target.

But yes, it is an honor to be a part of this. One of my core values is to represent what wasn’t represented in my life as a younger person. So, as I was kind of debating whether to do this or not I remembered that people like me aren’t always represented in this way. Ultimately, I want people to see that they can still go out, be someone out there, but not have to compromise who they really are.

Don’t get me wrong though it’s not all philanthropic, it was epic to be a part for me personally. But yeah, at this point thought I’m just gonna be a bachelor until further notice cause I got a lot I want to do outside of all that.

New Styles

I have been learning Chinese watercolor recently. I love the simplicity, the flow, and how it’s a different process than my other works. It gives me a rest from needing to spend hours and hours and days on one piece of art and let’s me just play around with shapes, abstraction and color. My favorite thing to do recently has been to do these 9x17 paintings on rice paper. here’s one of my favorites called “Blush” and another one of some koi fish I haven’t named yet.

I am feeling connected to a deeper philosophy. The philosophy of flow, the letting go of control and within that finding freedom.

Below is a larger one I set out to do last night at Bonfire in ATL. I felt like I had come to a place where I was ready to try a more broad landscape with multiple flowers. I love how it turned out.

PANTS

I released my pants idea this week and I felt all the love. I am working on a plan for all the clothes, a way to use fashion and clothing to build 2 things: dignity and community. I want the clothes I make to make people feel badass and super special. I want everyone who is moved by this art to feel like they are part of something bigger than just clothes, themselves, or even exclusivity.

Because of the time consuming nature of these clothes in this beginning stage, I want to do a few key pieces over the course of the next few months as part of my solo art show.

If you are interested in custom painted clothes from me, please be on the look out. Later this week I will be posting a simple sign up sheet on the website that will explain what I’m thinking and give you an opportunity to jump in. It is coming soon I’m just designing the plan of action. But it’s pretty much here :p.

OPEN UP

I’m opening up myself to change. I’m looking towards my own future and the life that I want not only experience but invite others into around me. It takes a lot of energy to create a new path, but I’m come to my own personal conviction that this is part of what I’m supposed to do with my life. So many people have paved paths for me to walk - teaching, investing, and guiding me along the way.

I’m asking now that I feel a torch passed to me… what world might I be able to create? How can we create paths for people to walk, better ways to view ourselves and the decisions we choose to make.

How do we discover what truly matters in life and ultimately how do we build bridges for as many people as possible to exist within this?

I’m excited yall. doing art is opening my eyes and I’m finding more and more healing within myself.

and oh yeah this picture is so crazy to me. I stepped on this toy soldier yesterday at bonfire, just under my feet. I can’t explain it here but these figurines mean a lot to me and connect me to a very special time in my life. and just to step on one at a music and art event in Atlanta is just so weird to me. These things are happening often.

Anyways yall, that’s my update. Thank you for reading. Stay positive and keep creating. You can create your way to a new life

What good is anything if it cost your soul?

Som real

So I was nominated in a magazine called jezebel for “Atlantas most eligible bachelors of 2022.” Tonight they threw a party for everyone in buckhead.

I cannot help but feel like a child inside, even still On the search for something more. Even here, at an upscale buckhead rooftop bar with feee drinks surrounded by beautiful people… it still is missing. I don’t know what about my life will not let me feel satisfied now, but I can only view it as the call to something higher and deeper within myself. My dissatisfaction only shows me the possibilities of what is out there and what is in me - something far beyond the surface.

Things I always dreamed of deep in my heart seem to be coming true almost daily… yet what they’ve always said is true. Something is still missing

08/02/2022 2:23am

Service: Week Of 07.25.22

What a week what a week yall. I’m currently drinking tea, did my morning yoga, and now i’m writing this blog. I’ve never done yoga in my life but recently I’ve been trying to do 10-15 minutes every morning. I ended up loving it and has been such a great time to center myself, my thoughts, and my intentions for the day. Gives me a chance to let go of things I need to let go of and re-direct any steps that may be working against me or the people around me. I’m with it for sure!

Anywayas, wanted to write my weekly recap of the week. It was such an eventful one - art opening, tattoos, art classes at creature comforts, and more painting!

Freemarket Galleries: “Heatwave”

I got to put up another dragon in “Heatwave,” Freemarket Gallery’s (Atlanta) large group show. It was a special time because a year ago I got to do my first dragon paintings for this same gallery and here we are a whole year later, and I got to put my “Ryu No. 5” in there.

For the opening of the show, I decided to stay and hand out invitations for my solo show and just shake hands and say thank you to everyone who was enjoying the art. I was for sure nervous to do that thinking about how I’d look and if I’d be alone or anything but I’m so glad I did it. I ran out of all my invites and got to meet so many amazing people. One of my favorite things is meeting other artists and being able to encourage each other. And as always, we had to roll up with the crew from Peters Street Station! It was great to celebrate with Simone, Petie and Mercury.

WORK: PAINTING & TATTOOS

I’m currently setting out to start all the work for my solo show. I’ve been exploring Chinese watercolors on rice paper recently, studying the traditional strokes of painting and expression. Here are my first couple finished rice paper pieces, two peony landscapes. Both paintings sold immediately!

I also got to do some really special tattoos this week. Joseph came to Atlanta for his 30th birthday and commemorated it with his first tattoo of my original artwork from 2020. I was also lucky enough to get to do a full color tree on Jacky. The tree was split up into four seasons, so I had to find a way to make a tree have spring, summer, fall and winter in it. It felt good to tattoo again and especially for this session as it was a connection from over many years of time with the art. Very special.

MEET THE ARTIST AT CREATURE COMFORTS BREWERY

Yesterday I got to teach my drawing class at Creature Comforts Brewery in Athens, GA. Creature Comforts is such a legendary beer and have made their mark on the world for sure. What’s special about this to me is that I lived in Athens when they opened, and remember the excitement about the beer and the whole brewery. I was like a senior in college or something and remember them building the brewery…. and it’s so wild to me all this time later to be able to have the chance to do this special event with them. It was amazing…. beer, live jazz trio, and a free art class? cmon man, it was lit. Of course all the Athens homies had to pull up, as well as some new faces too. I felt very honored to be there as a teacher and an artist… and overall with these classes I just love how for a couple hours we all can kind of forget everything else going on in our lives and just simply make something together. I’m finding so much fulfillment and a new kind of joy by teaching… like the real things of life are in there I think. But anyways, I was really, really moved by this opportunity and can’t wait to do more. My next class will be on Tigers on August 21.

REFLECTION

I had a realization this week that I wasn’t having that much fun at all doing this art thing. It sounds kind of crazy but I was in a place where I was so stressed and anxious about all the art I wanted to create and everything I wanted to do for my show that I was forgetting to actually enjoy life as it was happening. I found myself not being present with myself, others and the things that were immediately in front of me… always worrying about the next painting, the next event, or the next thing I gotta do. What’s interesting is that I set out to do my first painting for my show and felt completely stuck… like I wasn’t moved by it or nothing. I think it’s because I was creating from a place of stress and striving and not love. This is what brought about this reflection. So from then on I just set the painting down and tried for the next few days to just be present and thankful at all times. I tried the best I could the shift my perspective on art and life, to try to get myself back to the place of humility, gratitude, and ultimately TRUST. Part of my daily reset is trying to get myself to a place of TRUST in all things, not distrust. I feel like life tries to tear our faith and trust away from us, causing us to look at life and each other resentfully. But what if we could let go of that way of thinking? You are right where you need to be. Everything will be ok. Do you trust the process?

Love, AB

All A Dream: Week Of 07.18.22

I’ve gotta start blogging about all of this. Lately I have been struggling more and more with writing, but I think I realized that I was getting into a place where I felt like I needed to edit my self more… Recently, there has definitely been so much growth… people been so supportive of the arts and the journey. What’s pretty new to me right now in life is feeling like there are a lot of people supporting me, but I don’t know them… Which is definitely a new and weird experience. Like, feeling like there are real fans out there, it’s wild man. But that honestly that thought has had me overthinking everything recently, especially online. Wanting to edit and be more presentable… but then I’m like hellllll no. I feel like it’s been constricting my voice and the freedom that I’ve always originally found in writing and creating. I’ve always got to remind myself that being myself is what got me to this day and this time, so I can trust that that’s all I gotta do. I also always have to remind myself that being honest and open about my life is why a lot of you like to read these blogs, and what makes this place different for me. I think about the internet - the quick transmission of information, the filters and the fakeness, the instant success based on metrics that we’ve been programmed to care about… and I ask, “what are we actually doing on here?” For me, I’m making a decision to write more here because as I’ve reflected over the past years I feel like this blog has been a worthwhile endeavor on the internet. Something honest and real for me. Something I can look back on and remember and be thankful for. But anyways, I’m gonna start doing weekly updates for yall as I set out to go all in for my solo art show, which will be on Oct 14. So… here’s my “week of” for 07.18.22

All A Dream: Week Of 07.18.22

I feel like I’m gearing up. I’ve been feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the thought of putting on my own solo show. I’m nervous because of the uncertainty and I’m nervous because of the possibilities. Like, I don’t know where to start. To me, the creative process comes in waves. ebbs and flows. States of mind. I see it kind of like skateboarding, when you drop into the bowl (not that I can do that). But it’s just dropping in… jumping in… getting lost in it. I feel that I am at the precipice of the one of the most demanding feats of my life, and I’m preparing myself to go ahead and drop in all the way for the next 3 months.

Just last week I feel like I came to a place that I was waiting to be. It was with the dragons. I feel like there was a level I wanted to get to with the dragons for this show. On the technical front, I needed to understanding the shapes and scales better…. and how get the dragons to flow more with a little more style. I needed to discover which direction I wanted to go with in the dragons. So over the past months I’ve just been drawing and painting dragons, trying to find this feeling. and last week, I felt it. I completed two dragons (Ryu no. 4 and Ryu no. 5)…. and something about it just clicked. I can’t describe the feeling exactly, but… it was just a click. Ready to drop in. The pieces came together. I also discovered the finishing technique that is going to make these paintings unique to this show.

I also have begun playing with traditonal chinese brush painting. I have two more new paintings coming out soon on RICE paper. I’m very very excited about this new technique

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1st Koi Sleeve Process

This week was also monumental because I completed my first koi fish tattoo sleeve. This tattoo sleeve is 100% original drawing and design, which actually exists as a painting as well. This is a part of my solo show, to have fine art rice paper paintings that inspire real life tattoos and to be able to show the painting and the human canvas together. This is part of my concept of my solo art show “Blooms Floating World…”. I’m trying to create new worlds by crossing existing worlds… floating worlds. Anyways, here are a few pictures of the progress of the sleeve. Man… the feeling of this sleeve coming to life is crazy. It’s such hard work but the satisfaction seeing this piece on the arm and it radiating that feeling.. It’s indescribable. Also, this tattoo I am working on the freehanding elements of the piece. The bottom Chrysanthemum is freehanded as well as a good portion of the background. I cannot WAIT to get to the shading.

ABV OUTERSPACE

ABV OUTERSPACE

This was such an energetic weekend in Atlanta. This is from Saturday night from the Outerspace Project party featuring Flying Lotus. Myself, Petie and Simone from the gang had a crazy night. For real crazy… in the sense like we couldn’t believe what we were seeing. For me, I was overwhelmed in many ways, having a hard time grasping what we were experiencing. The picture from above was the epic live painting battle featuring some of Atlanta’s legendary artists, and they had live painting all around the venue and outside. It was a true honor to watch everyone do their thing, to see folks who usually just exist on instagram for me in real life… And man, if anyone is reading from the Atlanta art scene: Let’s go fucking hard yall we are in a very very important moment in time. Not just in Atlanta, but in the world. This is a time in life where we are going to NEED artists to express their perspective. I’m just watching culture… how everyone is interacting with art and how art scenes are now being built. We are ushering in the new time of culture and what’s crazy is that it’s not something else creating it… we are. To all the artists, go hard. Be honest, get out there, leave it all on the floor. It’s time!

These moments make me feel so grateful to be where I am. It also lights a fire under me to keep pushing to grow the most I can as an artist…. To really commit to the path and to jump all the way into the process and the life. I was so inspired seeing Paper Frank up there and George and Tom and everyone else just out at the event. I feel like every artist in Atlanta was in there walking around. But yeah yall, shoutout to ABV for one amazing weekend…

But yes yall that was it for me this past week. This week I will continue to work on my paintings and I’m starting the works for the show officially this week. I also am in a group show , “Heatwave” this Saturday at Freemarket galleries in Atlanta showing one of my new dragons. The opening reception is this Saturday at 6pm. Thanks for reading my first “week of” I hope it encourages yall to get out there, live, and create some art!

Much love, Andrew

5 Tips for the creatives

5 tips and ideas for my creatives out there in no particular order. These are some philosophies that apply in my own life that help keep the ball rolling. I know for a lot of artists the hardest part is turning abstract ideas such as art and dreams into practical day to day realities. Hopefully these can encourage you to keep creating and to help you find some solutions for your own creative process

1. Creative Deadlines: I try to give myself a deadline for every idea that I want to become reality, and I do it publicly. Most of the times when I announce to the world I’m going to do something whether it be via the blog, Instagram, or just in person… what I’m actually doing is setting a deadline for myself. It’s one thing to say something and not do it when it’s just a thought in your head, but when you speak it into the world the accountability goes to a new level. So when y’all see “painting coming Friday” or “new blog post this week” I’m holding myself accountable by creating my own deadlines and creating that expectation in the world. Start saying “yes” before you feel ready because if you’re waiting to feel ready you will be waiting for a long time.

2. Commit To Finish: what I’m learning currently is the importance of finishing work and pushing through all the phases of emotion and doubt that is intrinsic in the creative process. for me, EVERY piece has a moment where I’m thinking “I should just stop now, it’s not turning out like I wanted it to…” and I’ve started asking myself, “well how do you really know that if you haven’t finished it?” I found a whole new meaning to trusting the process. What if the feeling of failure you feel at the onset of your creative endeavors is not inadequacy but the fact that the process is yielding something DIFFERENT (not worse) than you imagined in your head? The most important discoveries in art to me come right after the decision to see a foreign idea through… that’s how you discover new styles.

3. Take Risks: There is no way around this. If you think about it… every innovation is a result of risk. Risk it all, many of the things holding you back from taking the risks you dream turn out to be of little consequence later. Without taking risks you will always exists within that you already know and you may wonder why you are feeling stuck and uninspired. Have you rolled the dice today?

4. Be consistent: My mentor Miya said it best: McDonalds is not good, but it’s really consistent. In the artists’ psyche you may be tempted to believe you’re not good enough… but try not to get it confused with not being consistent enough. Create a system, commit to the craft and I promise the skill set and proficiency will follow. Everything will grow - the opportunities, the skills, the money…just stay with it. For me, I decided to start making art every day starting in the middle of December 2021. It’s really really tedious at first and you have the push trough a mountain of resistance… but after a while it has become just a part of my life just like breathing. My goal was to be able to freehand Asian motifs from my mind without a reference, and after these first 6 months I can already see the skill developing. I can no freehand koi fish, dragons, peonies and Chrysanthemums without looking at pictures ( a skill that didn’t exist 6 months ago).

5. Break down large goals into tasks you can manage daily. Often the size of your dream can leave you paralyzed in your tracks. You see where you want to be but the amount of options and paths become overwhelming and choosing a direction feels impossible. This is where most people begin to think their goal is impossible. What I’ve been doing is breaking down large goals into small tasks and small goals that I can accomplish daily or weekly. You have to think of it like a house. You can’t build a house in one day but you can lay a few bricks for the house in one day. Drywall another. Electrical. Plumbing. Same principle. Just yesterday I designed and ordered my flyer for my solo show. Just one simple task. But it’s another step towards my goal and another brick… Don’t quit on your dream just cause it feels there is too much to do. Take a deep breath, take some time to plan it out. MOST large concepts can be broken down into small, very doable and very manageable ideas. Maybe what’s lacking in your process is not the resources or the skill set but the ability to manage tasks and time in a way that is efficient and inspiring to you. DO NOT QUIT on your big idea please, it may be one of the most important things you ever do. And hey, if you quit, the world doesn’t get to enjoy it. We need it!

Anyways, I hope any of this was helpful. Keep creating y’all!

always try to finish

finished this dragon tonight. Well almost, I want to carve out something more things to make it really pop. I’m feeling happy about how everything is coming out, still trying to do new things with each painting to discover what works and doesn’t work. The unfair part of the creative process is you can’t apply lessons in real time, you have to learn them through experience. I feel like every piece will have “mistakes” until you redefine what “mistakes” really are. Is it an idea that only exists within your own head?

BLOOMS FLOATING WORLD

It’s official yall! I am excited to announce my first ever official solo art show. The exhibit will be held at Peters Street Station in Atlanta, GA during the months of October and November of 2022. The opening reception will be October 14th. “Blooms Floating World” will feature all new paintings, tattoo design concepts and clothing. I am hoping to tie all three mediums together into a unique and multi-facetted expression.

Today marks almost exactly 3 months until the opening of my show. To be honest, I’ve been feeling a lot of resistance to this announcement, feeling both total excitement and definitely some pressure. For me, I really want this show to be special and historic. I want to create a body of art that I am proud of and that show’s the world who I am as an artist. I’m viewing this show, in part, as my introduction to the world at large, and am allowing myself to dream of how far it all can go.

I decided to call it Blooms Floating World (after a few months of thinking about it) as a way to nod to the ancient Japanese art form of Ukiyo-e. Ukiyo-e, when translated to English means “floating world.” In the Japanese sense, “floating worlds” described the ethos of the artwork, which served to romanticize the ephemeral aspects of everyday life. I am using this title as a nod to the original idea of ukiyo-e, but also as a way to express the feeling of being in between many worlds. In many ways, this is a core value I hold and in is in part why I am here I believe - to use art to help bridge gaps in culture and to tell the real stories of life.

This idea explains the logo, the simple venndiagram, showing the merging of multiple ideas… beautiful and new things caught in the middle.

Anyways yall, I am so excited to get started on all these paintings. I’m really going to go for it on this one. I appreciate yalls support and following along the journey. See yall October 14!

-AB

HBD

Just realized that this is the first 4th of July Of my life where I’ve wondered what it is we are celebrating exactly…